Tuesday, December 29, 2009

saying good-bye

Today is one of those days I wished would never come.
Saying good-bye is not easy for me.
I remember when Matthew left for Japan for 6 months. Wow! Did that ever ache. It was like losing a limb. He was 18 1/2 . Going to the other side of the world. It didn't help that I had lived there and knew he'd be fine. The point was - he wouldn't be here! No "Hi Mom!" in the morning. No hugs. No sports page at the breakfast table. No dates with his sisters. Gone. The six months passed quickly. He was fine. I went over to travel with him and come home together.
And now....
Rachael leaves today.
She'll be away for 2 1/2 years.

No more daily cooking with her.
No more rides and conversations home and back to Biola.
No more editing papers together.

No more saying the liturgy or singing in church with her.
Oh, I know, I know. This is God's Will and we all knew this would happen and she's with Andrew and she's so happy and she'll make friends and have a wonderful life and she'll do wonderful things and she'll grow in many ways and I'll make a few trips there and she'll come back here. Blah, blah, blah. The point is: she won't be here.
It's like losing limb all over again.
It hurts a lot.
I'm going to cry for a few days. I'm going to sit in her room and cry. I'm not going to try to stop. Then one day, I'll gird up my loins, set it in perspective and do the next thing.
But not today. Not yet.
Today and tomorrow and for a long time, I'm going to miss her and I'm going to be very human and be sad.
Her family is going to miss her.
God bless you, Rachael and Andrew.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

They did it!

Well, it's all over and it's only just begun.
Who knew it would be this much fun to watch a daughter marry!
I thought I'd weep at losing her but no such thing happened! There was so much joy at seeing her well suited, well fit, well matched for Andrew.
God is great and God is good.
Now for the next chapter of joy in life!
I just keep learning to trust God, learning to anticipate and not dread the change that is always around the next corner.
As Pastor Garrett says every week - the trajectory is UPWARD!!

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Sunday, December 13, 2009

one more week

There are so many thoughts and feelings I have as I approach this last week before Rachael's wedding.
There is the temptation to regret how inadequate an example I have been. There is the tendency to panic over the few details yet to be decided.
There is the desire to have time stand still; the desire not to let her go even though I can't keep her.

But as is true of all of life, it isn't about me.

These weaknesses of mine move to the rear when I realize how God has prepared Rachael for this step in her life. She is not a piece of fluff entering the whirlwind of marriage. She has been pruned, filed, sanded, gouged, fired, buffeted by people and circumstances and consequences God brought her way so that she is strong and capable and as ready anyone can be. The obstacles she has overcome in the past two years astound me.

Was I any more ready at 28 than she is at 21? Less, I would say.

So, it really comes down to God. It always does! He has prepared her for this. Rachael learned how to live in an imperfect family. Imperfect as we are, she loves us. That is preparation for loving others. She, better than the rest of us, I dare say, has learned how to forgive.
She is marrying her best friend. That friendship, already 8+ years old will stand them in good stead. Rachael and Andrew have learned how to talk to each other; they have learned how to talk with each other. They both have a friendship with God that binds them together.

There are many other reasons for a soaring heart on this day that marks a week before my daughter's wedding. I offer them all to God with gratitude for his loving gift to her of Himself as well as giving her as her husband, a very good man.