Tuesday, December 29, 2009

saying good-bye

Today is one of those days I wished would never come.
Saying good-bye is not easy for me.
I remember when Matthew left for Japan for 6 months. Wow! Did that ever ache. It was like losing a limb. He was 18 1/2 . Going to the other side of the world. It didn't help that I had lived there and knew he'd be fine. The point was - he wouldn't be here! No "Hi Mom!" in the morning. No hugs. No sports page at the breakfast table. No dates with his sisters. Gone. The six months passed quickly. He was fine. I went over to travel with him and come home together.
And now....
Rachael leaves today.
She'll be away for 2 1/2 years.

No more daily cooking with her.
No more rides and conversations home and back to Biola.
No more editing papers together.

No more saying the liturgy or singing in church with her.
Oh, I know, I know. This is God's Will and we all knew this would happen and she's with Andrew and she's so happy and she'll make friends and have a wonderful life and she'll do wonderful things and she'll grow in many ways and I'll make a few trips there and she'll come back here. Blah, blah, blah. The point is: she won't be here.
It's like losing limb all over again.
It hurts a lot.
I'm going to cry for a few days. I'm going to sit in her room and cry. I'm not going to try to stop. Then one day, I'll gird up my loins, set it in perspective and do the next thing.
But not today. Not yet.
Today and tomorrow and for a long time, I'm going to miss her and I'm going to be very human and be sad.
Her family is going to miss her.
God bless you, Rachael and Andrew.

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